One:Babel Narrative Theory

Babel Narrative Theory (BNT) argues that the anachronistic and probabilistic phenomena associated with the fallout of The Event indicate a rebuke, by some universal mechanism or power, of the practice of academic, linear historiography. The thesis of BNT is that oral history and folk historical traditions are, by virtue of their emphasis on overall story structure and the mutability of details from telling to telling, not just practically but fundamentally morally superior to detail-obsessed academic record-keeping. The inability of historians to reconcile apparent disagreements in fact or artifact without bitter squabbling and infighting is pointed to as an indictment of the inherent brittleness and decadent fragility of "fact-first" traditions.

BNT, though academically unpopular for obvious reasons, has been embraced by *inter alia* the Zebanites Bandologist Reformed, a schismatic religious group chaptered in the Analogous Zone who practice the linguistic ritual temperolalia and who eschew printed religious materials other than a single copy of Atherton's Puzzle, over which they maintain a constant vigil in the belief that the universe will at some point express forgiveness for humanity's linear historiological wrongdoings by producing an altered version of Zebadiah Atherton's writings that will no longer appear to be a puzzle but a lucid, self-explanatory document.

-Will.i.am Rammstein Durst 14:15, 14 September 2012 (PDT)