User:Temperance Lamprey-Pond/Sandbox/ConeffKlatt Samuel

Portrait of Samuel ConeffKlatt, shortly prior to the end of his public career

Samuel ConeffKlatt was a writer and frequent political commentator noted primarily for his Hedgewater Prize-winning novel The Other Other: And Other Tales.

Early life

Samuel Deckard ConeffKlatt was the younger child of wife-and-wife research team Charity Coneff and Althea Klatt, child development pioneers at Vanita P. Simmons Medical College for Women. For the first ten years of his life, he was the only male allowed within 200 yards of the campus boundaries. Consequently, his upbringing proved pivotal in the foundation of his literary output.

The Other Other

In 10AK, ConeffKlatt self-published his first and ultimately only novel, The Other Other: And Other Tales. The novel was immediately and universally hailed as a triumph by all major literary publications, although in private conversation many critics found themselves unable to name a single person who would admit to having read it, let alone enjoying it. Its antirobot themes, however, drew significant opposition from both robots themselves and factions including roboamorists, pro-robers and robo-rights activists.

Nevertheless, ConeffKlatt became a fixture on talk shows and reality programming, including such shows as "Pimp My RFID" and "The Crating Game."

Continuing feud with B*

In 27AK, ConeffKlatt questioned whether B* were in fact true to the algorithmic meaning of their name, using their ceaseless world tour as a cover for an actual search for something. B* at first did not respond, but after a year of repeated public insults, ConeffKlatt upped his assault by stating that B* had actually attempted their recordings several times before under such assumed names as the Bay City Rollers and/or Gary Puckett & the Union Gap. B* responded with a musical screed consisting entirely of primitive modem noises entitled "Beep Boop Bop Boop Beep Boop Bop (And Stay There)".

Later years

Intermittently reclusive despite his frequent public appearances, ConeffKlatt had long been suspected of living a secret life. Rumors ranged from an alleged position as hierarch of Asterismism to a supposed diet based solely on sugar beets. Only when ConeffKlatt lost an arm in a traffic collision was it discovered that he in fact was a robot himself -- although one so well constructed that he rarely leaked coolant of any kind.

Following a major press conference arranged by his beaming parents, thrilled to finally reveal the results of their longest and most important experiment, a mortified ConeffKlatt spent the rest of his life as a line cook at a Denny's just outside of New Tampa.