User:Temperance Lamprey-Pond/Sandbox/ConeffKlatt Samuel

Samuel ConeffKlatt was a writer and frequent political commentator noted primarily for his Hedgewater Prize-winning novel The Other Other: And Other Tales.

Samuel Deckard ConeffKlatt was the younger child of wife-and-wife research team Charity Coneff and Althea Klatt, child development pioneers at Vanita P. Simmons Medical College for Women. Though the pair believed strongly in single-sex education, the birth of young Samuel proved controversial in the life of the school, as for the first ten years of his life he was the only living human male allowed within 200 yards of the campus boundaries. Consequently, his upbringing proved pivotal in the foundation of his later literary output.

The Other Other

In 10AK, ConeffKlatt self-published his first and ultimately only novel, The Other Other: And Other Tales. The novel was immediately and universally hailed as a triumph by all major literary publications, although in private conversation many critics found themselves unable to name a single person who would admit to having read it, let alone enjoying it. Its antirobot themes, however, drew significant opposition from both robots themselves and factions including roboamorists, pro-robers and robo-rights activists.

Nevertheless, ConeffKlatt became a fixture on talk shows and reality programming, including such shows as "Pimp My RFID" and "The Crating Game."

Continuing feud with B*

In 27AK, ConeffKlatt questioned whether B* was in fact true to the original meaning of their name and were using their ceaseless world tour as a cover for an actual search for something. B* at first did not respond, but after a year of repeated public insults, ConeffKlatt upped his assault by stating that B* had actually attempted their recordings several times before under the assumed names of the Bay City Rollers and Train. B* responded with a musical screed entitled "Beep Boop Bop Boop Beep Boop Bop (And Stay There)".

Later years

Intermittently reclusive despite his frequent public appearances, ConeffKlatt had long been suspected of living a secret life. Rumors ranged from an alleged position as hierarch of Asterismism to a supposed diet based solely on sugar beets. Only when ConeffKlatt lost an arm in a traffic collision was it discovered that he in fact was a robot himself -- although one so well constructed that he rarely leaked coolant of any kind.

Following a major press conference arranged by his beaming parents, thrilled to finally reveal the results of their longest and most important experiment, a mortified ConeffKlatt spent the rest of his life as a line cook at a Denny's just outside of New Tampa.