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LaVance Bendis, with his cat Larry

LaVance Clyde Bendis, typically referred to as simply Bendis, was a human male whose transformation from human to literal star, at the age of 43, resulted in the Athabasca Incident.


As recounted in the Codex Adulatio, Book 3, Verses 1-10:

1 And lo, naked came the Nardinos (who are obviously reptilian) with their wives, and children, and housepets, and long pointy teeth, and compact electro-hybrid vehiculation

2 Arriving at the Yard of Salvage, they did bypass the front gate and proceed directly to the Office, where they encountered The One for whom they had left their home world

3 Surrounding LaVance Bendis, for such was the Life Name of He, the Nardinos pronounced the words as "Are you an Asterismist?"

4 Quoth Bendis, "I ain't afraid of you. I kicked your ass once, 'n' I'll do it again"

5 Per the Testimony, the Nardinos pronounced the words once more: "Are you an Asterismist?"

6 Quoth Bendis, "Your mom's an Asterismismismism"

7 Thereby ascertaining the convergence of necessary factors, the Elder Nardinos didst inform Bendis of his impending ascension to the Celestial Realms

8 But Bendis said, "See here, jizznuts; I just put new tires on my El Camino"

9 Thus did the Elder Nardinos choose to accelerate the process of gravitational collapse, aided no doubt by the twenty-eight cans of Genesee Cream Ale consumed by Bendis, an adherent of brewing, prior to their arrival

10 And o! the people did rejoice at the light