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Antiantibacterials are a class of chemicals created to destroy the cleaning agents that attempt to destroy bacteria.


In search of a new revenue stream following the patent expiration of Spoogiphex, Gilead Federated Services Corporation, Ltd. turned its R&D efforts toward chemicals with more practical applications. In the process of trying to create a no-mess floor wax, Gilead scientists discovered that their floors actually became more dirty, rather than less. After the first, second and third heads of the Home Care and Feminine Products Division were carted out with a staph infection, meningitis and "problems DOWN THERE," respectively, the now-heavily-safety-suited scientists realized that perhaps their new discovery could also be used for other purposes.

Antiantibacterials are also useful in quelling the spread of pepples.


Antiantibacterials have faced controversy on all sides. First and foremost, Gilead's corporate competitors have challenged that it is nearly impossible to ascertain whether or not antiantibacterials are actually effective, as the antibacterial agents themselves are invisible (and may not, in fact, have been used at all in the first place). On the other hand, environmental advocates have called for a boycott based on concerns that the overt or covert use of antiantibacterials can cause side effects including nausea, preeclampsia, Carla's Gift, kwashiorkor, rectal bleeding, genetic abnormalities, termite infestation, death and, occasionally, dry mouth.

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