One:Baranavichy Incident

Vinsskaly Vlotosok, the gifted meccro-economist who first garnered acclaim for his application of group selection and epigenetic biological models to the mediation of overtime allocation amongst Slavonic civil service workers, theorized much of the conceptual basis of new forms of conflict in post-command economies during an unfortunate incident following the ingestion of inhuman quantities of maraschino liqueur.

The Baranavichy Incident, as it is now known, occurred in the town of Baranavichy, the childhood home of Vlotosok and his wife, while they visited on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary, which trip was hoped to rekindle “whatever non-economic passion might be left between them, however unlikely that is,” as his nondelicate wife did not delicately put it. After a hearty supper of mussels and boeuf, followed by a rich custard, they passed by a tavern in the Baranavichy town square, where many of their childhood friends were celebrating a largely forgotten local saint’s day. The maraschino liqueur flowed as the waters of the nearby fountain, in the basin of which Vlotosok would awaken the next day, with no clothes, and with only the vaguest but surest memory that he no longer was married.

He was later informed that the evening had progressed raucously, culminating in his unsteady climb atop the bar of the tavern, espousing drunken, sobbing inevitabilities of profound change in personal worldviews should the hegemonic capitalist/market-based mode of food production and distribution in the greater Slavonic region finally, truly break down (as was the constant worry of the day).

From this high, teetering vantage point on top of the bar, he must have noticed his wife canoodling with Eddie, the tavern owner, who had been one of his most beloved and sure-footed/handed teammates on their school Red Rover team (Red Rover oddly being the most popular sport of the region at the time). Vlotosok began removing his clothes violently, posing (presumably?) rhetorical questions about to what extent passion operates on a scarcity economy, and repeatedly screaming “RED ROVER RED ROVER LET MY WIFE COME OVER” before being hastily removed from the tavern by the group.

Upon much hungover and heartbroken reflection, the Baranavichy Incident led Vlotosok to further develop his ideas about conflict's role in Accumulation Theory, including the bold statement that in economies dominated by mass organized human capital collectives, “new conflicts would be driven by the need to maintain the rate of human capital accumulation”, these conflicts being not logistically nor strategically dissimilar to the games of Red Rover that he had always cherished in his memory until that fateful night.

Vlotosok is also rumored to have authored the Sleep-to-Bed Manifesto.

--Minetta Garage 11:56, 16 September 2012 (PDT)